[ID: behind a haze or fog, a landscape with a background of blue mountains and cloudy sky, and a foreground of hills, grass, rocks, towns, a forking river, and trees. The word “discussion” is in capitalized yellow letters, and “week one” is in smaller, black handwritten script.]
Share something (thoughts, feelings, memories, lessons) about salient (present, impactful) conflicts in your life, community, or world. If you can, consider sharing both generative conflicts (giving energy, meaning, growth) and destructive conflicts (taking energy, disrupting meaning, causing harm). Discuss with each other (without judgment) how these conflicts may be connected on the map of our global web of relations.
A struggle that's salient in my life right now- I'm working to lose weight. I have a heart condition, and a kid, and I don't want the former to keep me from living long enough to care for the latter.
Losing weight as a leftist feels contentious- diet culture is fat shaming, is sexist, is ableist, and prioritizes an aesthetic of hegemonic whiteness, and I'm kind of struggle not to recapitulate that in how I approach weight loss and strength training. I've witnessed how fat people experience shaming and bias and discrimination in healthcare settings. On the other hand, I see a conflict I have trouble reconciling- folks I respect share memes about how attempting to lose weight is always disordered eating, or always enacting patriarchal violence, or claiming that weight has no impact on health, all of these things are some combination of things I would contest and things that make me feel bad.
I know that on some level I have internalized fatphobia, (that I'd rather have a flat belly instead of a round one), some of it aesthetic, some of it practical - (longevity, a desire not to have to buy larger clothes, and a sense that I'll want to be at optimal health to endure potential bad times ahead.)
I know that this whole thing is fraught, it comes with a lot of lived experience of angst and suffering and shame. I also feel like we're doing a disservice to ourselves by pretending that being fat is (outside of being shamed for it) an entirely benign or neutral presence in someone's life. While fat people don't need to be shamed or reminded of health impacts, I consider it harmful to pretend that carrying extra weight won't contribute to things like chronic pain. Which, again, isn't to say that folks should shamed or refused access to proper healthcare for being fat; just that in a world where I were slightly more convinced of my friends' position I would scoff at my Dr.'s recommendation that I lose weight, and that might take years of care away from my kid.
So, I guess, two conflicts. One intra and one inter, and both against the backdrop of systematic issues.
Thank you luna for creating this space and all who are sharing. This month has been my time to reassess relationships. I'm experiencing a stack of intrapersonal conflicts about this: I have long term relationships I cherish, with friends/family who struggle and desire a safer future, but have eventually come to support ideas or make moves that are harmful to me or someone else I love. This is generative because it stretches me in my capacity to love and relate to others (and to choose) while maintaining myself, deepens my understanding of myself and needs, and clarifies the dynamics. Boundaries! It also hurts when it creates distance I don't feel safe crossing, is shocking, or makes me feel unseen. It can feel destabilizing and also grounding.
I've had a couple destructive conflicts in these relationships too, which I feel came up out of those undercurrents and shifts. One of them (mild physical violence): a trusted family member pushed me and threatened (specifically and graphically) to hurt me after I stated I wanted to leave a conversation. He is in a position of power over me. It took too long to resolve that conflict and damage has been done there. This one is more confusing on the intrapersonal level.
Having so much of this come up at once feels timely. It has me thinking about a lot - how relationships tell us more about our past, present and future selves/where we are in each moment, how they reflect broader human relations, how I can feel more or less whole to a certain person, how important it is to lean into intrapersonal conflict, what types of direct/indirect impact my personal growth has on those around me, or how unpredictable the reactions I get can be, and in general I have a lot of curiosity about the inner landscape and how we are constantly relating to each other on that deeper level whether aware of it in the moment or not. I think that last aspect could be very important in the big picture.
A huge conflict I currently think a lot about as someone searching for a new job is what presents as a newfound desire to promote “equity, diversity, and inclusion” at organizations, companies, government agencies, and institutions. Since early summer, I’ve noticed a ton of job postings explicitly naming racism, racial equity, and cultural humility. This seems like an amazing thing at face value, but the conflict lies in the action happening or not happening behind the job descriptions and “Statements of Solidarity.” An organization can be explicit about its desire to be diverse and inclusive, but the intentions and the willingness, or lack thereof, to use resources, time, and money to work toward a more equitable institution can breed harmful results. If the photo tiles on an organization’s “About” page do not reflect the community it serves, there is a reason for it. If changes aren’t made to address those factors or that environment, an innate conflict lies in their attempts and desires to diversify and the effects and traumas those actions have the potential to bring upon the POC they might bring in to reach their goal. The word goal is used purposefully here, because in my experience many organizations treat their “Equity Initiatives” as a goal that they can one day reach and move on from, when equity is something to be recommitted to with every decision made, forever.
Thank you Saba, for starting the conversation. I wanted to show everyone that I am logged in and here for the discussion if folks want to use this time to discuss. The discussion will also be up all week if this isn't a good time for folks.
Thanks so much for the first post - was great to read ahead of this week! I thought I'd leave a comment now as 6pm EST is 11pm for me (London) and I will be fast asleep... Over the past 18 months, I've been doing weekly/daily anti-oppression work, as well as speaking up against racism, discrimination, immigration and also discussing my past trauma experiences. I suffer with C-PTSD and recently was triggered and had a wobble - so I've been going in deep to find out what is going on and why - I can see the pattern of behaviour and it's as if I have no control over my mind. Speaking to my mentor a few days ago, she mentioned that perhaps my anti-oppression work meant I was becoming less tolerant of certain behaviour and, when I can't speak out such as a work situation, it's raising my anxiety and I'm easily stressed out. I wondered if anyone dealt with similar circumstances and what potentially worked for them. Thanks x
CW: Food, weightloss.
A struggle that's salient in my life right now- I'm working to lose weight. I have a heart condition, and a kid, and I don't want the former to keep me from living long enough to care for the latter.
Losing weight as a leftist feels contentious- diet culture is fat shaming, is sexist, is ableist, and prioritizes an aesthetic of hegemonic whiteness, and I'm kind of struggle not to recapitulate that in how I approach weight loss and strength training. I've witnessed how fat people experience shaming and bias and discrimination in healthcare settings. On the other hand, I see a conflict I have trouble reconciling- folks I respect share memes about how attempting to lose weight is always disordered eating, or always enacting patriarchal violence, or claiming that weight has no impact on health, all of these things are some combination of things I would contest and things that make me feel bad.
I know that on some level I have internalized fatphobia, (that I'd rather have a flat belly instead of a round one), some of it aesthetic, some of it practical - (longevity, a desire not to have to buy larger clothes, and a sense that I'll want to be at optimal health to endure potential bad times ahead.)
I know that this whole thing is fraught, it comes with a lot of lived experience of angst and suffering and shame. I also feel like we're doing a disservice to ourselves by pretending that being fat is (outside of being shamed for it) an entirely benign or neutral presence in someone's life. While fat people don't need to be shamed or reminded of health impacts, I consider it harmful to pretend that carrying extra weight won't contribute to things like chronic pain. Which, again, isn't to say that folks should shamed or refused access to proper healthcare for being fat; just that in a world where I were slightly more convinced of my friends' position I would scoff at my Dr.'s recommendation that I lose weight, and that might take years of care away from my kid.
So, I guess, two conflicts. One intra and one inter, and both against the backdrop of systematic issues.
Thank you luna for creating this space and all who are sharing. This month has been my time to reassess relationships. I'm experiencing a stack of intrapersonal conflicts about this: I have long term relationships I cherish, with friends/family who struggle and desire a safer future, but have eventually come to support ideas or make moves that are harmful to me or someone else I love. This is generative because it stretches me in my capacity to love and relate to others (and to choose) while maintaining myself, deepens my understanding of myself and needs, and clarifies the dynamics. Boundaries! It also hurts when it creates distance I don't feel safe crossing, is shocking, or makes me feel unseen. It can feel destabilizing and also grounding.
I've had a couple destructive conflicts in these relationships too, which I feel came up out of those undercurrents and shifts. One of them (mild physical violence): a trusted family member pushed me and threatened (specifically and graphically) to hurt me after I stated I wanted to leave a conversation. He is in a position of power over me. It took too long to resolve that conflict and damage has been done there. This one is more confusing on the intrapersonal level.
Having so much of this come up at once feels timely. It has me thinking about a lot - how relationships tell us more about our past, present and future selves/where we are in each moment, how they reflect broader human relations, how I can feel more or less whole to a certain person, how important it is to lean into intrapersonal conflict, what types of direct/indirect impact my personal growth has on those around me, or how unpredictable the reactions I get can be, and in general I have a lot of curiosity about the inner landscape and how we are constantly relating to each other on that deeper level whether aware of it in the moment or not. I think that last aspect could be very important in the big picture.
A huge conflict I currently think a lot about as someone searching for a new job is what presents as a newfound desire to promote “equity, diversity, and inclusion” at organizations, companies, government agencies, and institutions. Since early summer, I’ve noticed a ton of job postings explicitly naming racism, racial equity, and cultural humility. This seems like an amazing thing at face value, but the conflict lies in the action happening or not happening behind the job descriptions and “Statements of Solidarity.” An organization can be explicit about its desire to be diverse and inclusive, but the intentions and the willingness, or lack thereof, to use resources, time, and money to work toward a more equitable institution can breed harmful results. If the photo tiles on an organization’s “About” page do not reflect the community it serves, there is a reason for it. If changes aren’t made to address those factors or that environment, an innate conflict lies in their attempts and desires to diversify and the effects and traumas those actions have the potential to bring upon the POC they might bring in to reach their goal. The word goal is used purposefully here, because in my experience many organizations treat their “Equity Initiatives” as a goal that they can one day reach and move on from, when equity is something to be recommitted to with every decision made, forever.
Thank you Saba, for starting the conversation. I wanted to show everyone that I am logged in and here for the discussion if folks want to use this time to discuss. The discussion will also be up all week if this isn't a good time for folks.
Thanks so much for the first post - was great to read ahead of this week! I thought I'd leave a comment now as 6pm EST is 11pm for me (London) and I will be fast asleep... Over the past 18 months, I've been doing weekly/daily anti-oppression work, as well as speaking up against racism, discrimination, immigration and also discussing my past trauma experiences. I suffer with C-PTSD and recently was triggered and had a wobble - so I've been going in deep to find out what is going on and why - I can see the pattern of behaviour and it's as if I have no control over my mind. Speaking to my mentor a few days ago, she mentioned that perhaps my anti-oppression work meant I was becoming less tolerant of certain behaviour and, when I can't speak out such as a work situation, it's raising my anxiety and I'm easily stressed out. I wondered if anyone dealt with similar circumstances and what potentially worked for them. Thanks x